Coasting for a minute

This is Friday in Misouri, with ice all over the place and my car frozen shut. I'm not going anywhere, but at least I am warm and cozy in the RV. I'm coasting a bit right now because I managed to make it through the whole day without e-mails and botheration. I should have turned in my software project, but as long as nobodies' asking, I'm coasting.

The tax forms for 2003-2006 were sent to the kind folks at the IRS on Tuesday. I owe about $15,000. In all the chaos of recovering from the accident and dealing with financial problems and being homeless, I knew I needed to look at my paperwork and take care of this. I honestly didn't think I owed more than a few grand. It was the self-employment taxes that got me, plus losing the house and all those deductions, that I didn't realize how the mortgage shielded me from so many of the realitie of life. Also in the back of my mind I was praying for the accident case to turn out in my favor sooner, and provide the funds to handle everything.

Now I'm working with one of those tv tax relief firms to help me work out a payment plan. If I can do that, I can keep this job. If the IRS garnishe me, I'll lose the work. If that happens, I will follow Plan B. Plan A was living in a van, which is now put to rest anyway. I sold Henry to have enough cash for this issue, or to run. Plan B is to run. Perhaps with no car and no driver's license, a bus ticket or a thumb will take me away from here. So I'm thinking about putting all my belongings in storage, what few are left, and taking my cash and hitting the road. I think I can get to a place where I can room with somebody via Craigslist, in a college sort of town. They don't ask too many questions there. Then I'm one petsitting business away from living completely off the grid. Or, something. The point is that I don't have to live in fear unless I just want to.

One of the things that weighed heavily on me for the last several years was fear. Fear that I needed to do things a certain way to "survive." I've done the math and the emotional work and the given deep thought to "why" life has happened this way for me. I could blame myself, I could blame others, and I could ask "Why me?" But, it is what it is. As I read articles about homelessness I see both sides. Homefull people point out concrete reasons "why" others are homeless, because they don't understand and because they think they can keep the "reasons" at bay. But you have no control over circumstances. Have a couple of bad things happen in a row, go through your savings, run out of options, and then you too can be counted as one of the unfortunates of the world. The serious fact is that if I didn't have money, friends, family, or a brain, I'd be homeless right now. As it is, I'm merely contemplating the possibility.

At one point I bought Henry the van with the thought of fixing him up as a mobile bedroom on wheels. For a woman my age, a van is safer than being on the street in any way, heck for a woman period. The plan was to keep making jewelry and selling it, and the van was necessary for transporting all my stuff. But as long as I have cash I can land in a city with public transportation and get lodging easily enough. I don't need stuff. If I can manage with very little money. The business ideas were in case I needed to make money along the way. So I still have Plan A, but am prepared to go to Plan B.

Here's my one rant and whine, because I'm only human. My sister lives in our mother's house. My mother passed away and the house came to my brother, sister, and me. I have $20,000 equity in that house, the same as they do. My sister knew how bad thing had gotten for me, but refuses to either buy the house or sell the house or pay her fair share of the rent. If I was like her I'd sic the IRS on that house. But, I think I'm not like that. I can't do that to my family. So, I get to handle this bad situation alone, as usual.

Whinge over!

This blog is all about what one 51 year old grandmother will do to survive and get through the bad times. That means that I'm going to get up off my lazy butt and hook up the cable from my friend next door so I can be snowed in and relax with TV until they come hook it back up. When my friend got her cable turned on the technician accidentally turned mine off. Sheesh!

Then I'm going to finish two more items on my software to do list. Then I'm going to get my tiny little home organized again. Then I'm having a real night's sleep and I'm not getting up until I have to! I've been living on four-five hours of sleep at a time for the past two weeks, trying to make the work people happy while trying to make the IRS and attorney people happy, while trying to help my friend move into her hoopty trailer.

I'm beat!